The new year has come and gone and January was full of goals and positivity, but then before you’ve even got used to writing 2018, February hits us. The month where I usually find myself a bit lost. It’s still cold outside, and if you’re like me, if it’s not Christmas, I lust for summer.
This year was slightly different. February came and I was lucky enough to have found myself a new job. But not just any new job, a job that has potential for me. A career. Although I loved pub work I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do the rest of my life, some people love the social side, the business, the late nights. But for me and my little family it was just too much. I now work more hours but more sociable hours. I earn less overall because of childcare costs. And that’s okay.
But why am I writing all of this?
Because although it would be nice to win the lottery, happiness doesn’t come with money. For me happiness is time. More time at home, more time with the people I love and care about most. More time to just take five.
And that’s what I wanted to talk about today. This blog wasn’t written from my sofa or in my kitchen. This blog is a bus blog. Much like every other blog I’ll write from now on. I’ve learnt to take five, when I have five. On the bus on the way to work.
This year as part of my New Years resolution I wanted to blog more. I wanted to write more, more fashion, more mummy bits, more bra reviews ( you all know I love a good bra! ) but what I thought was a realistic goal of maybe a few a week isn’t really possible. And I’ve learnt that when your blog is your hobby and not your career it sadly has to come second. So let’s talk about self doubt which I’ve felt A LOT lately. A company that I love gifted me some items of clothing last month that I loved, I wrote about them but unfortunately I was too late, I wasn’t quick enough and I let the brand down as the items went out of stock.
I felt like I’d failed. I had so much going on at the time, with changing jobs and sorting out childcare. The pressure got to me and I’d be the biggest liar if I didn’t say I just wanted to cry. The brand we’re lovely enough when emailing and I will no doubt still buy from them but the fact that I haven’t heard back or my images re-used is a bit rubbish, but I 100% understand why. A brand I love, that I feel I’ve let down, do you know what I’ve come to realise? If I don’t hear from them again then it’s okay. It’s okay to not have the pressure constantly, it’s okay to take a step back from something that is making you feel like you’re just not good enough.
I’m not saying by any means that I want to take a step back from blogging because I love it. And I feel so blessed that so many of you take the time to read what I have to say and to comment and message me about it. I never thought when I started this blog a year ago that I’d have maybe ten people reading it, but to get hundreds each month, it makes me so proud and it makes me feel like it really is worth my time.
I’ve always blogged for me. For my hobby. For my me time. And I think last month I lost that. I felt pressures that I never thought would come to me. I did let that company down and I still can’t help but feel awful about it, but I know that I need to do things in my own time and I now know I need to make it clear that that is what I need.
So here I am on the bus. Blogging. Because I love it. Making 5 when I have 5. Because stepping back and setting more realistic goals is fine. It’s more than fine actually. And I need to transfer this to everything in life, not just my little blog.
My mental health the last year or so has been really great, I can’t remember the last time I said I hated myself or criticised my worth.
Having so much pressure on me though last month? I felt it. I felt like a failure and I don’t need to do that to myself. No one does. I know the reality is we all have so much on sometimes that it’s hard to even picture when we’ll get the time but the reality is we all need to make the time.
So this year I’m changing my resolution. I’m going to blog about what I want to when I want to, sure I’ll still set myself mini deadlines and I work with some amazing brands that fully understand my home life, so I really want to work hard for them. To support them, to show how much I truly love them. But I will always try. As soon as I can I will get a post up I will put my everything into it because that’s why I started my blogging journey. Because of my love of writing.
When was the last time you did something that you loved? When was the last time you took five? We all need to take five sometimes. So step back where you need to and put yourself, your mental health and your happiness first. x