Time for a New Chapter.

Hello, it’s been a while hasn’t it? After writing my last blog post I really felt a weight had been lifted. I chatted to so many of you who were going through similar, who had been hoping and trying for that magic baby dust to be sprinkled your way but had not yet happened. And although we already have Parker and he’s now seven, we still felt the heartache of trying for baby number two and it not happening.

A lot has changed since October when I sat down and put my thoughts into words, but not the changes I thought or had initially hoped would happen. I thought after writing the post I thought each month would be easier. That it wouldn’t be as hard because they say a problem shared is a problem halved right? But not for me. Each month has gone by and I’ve still cried, I’ve still felt down and as each month has gone by I’ve felt exhausted trying. Wondering what is wrong with me, why isn’t it happening? You question so much?

In December last year, I felt a really low point. November was hard and in my head I had this whole idea of celebrating Christmas by giving everyone Christmas cards with baby scan photos in and announcing it with everybody there because you know, we were doing everything by the book and when time went on and the dream was slowly being pulled away I struggled. I felt so down.

We’d talked about extending our family for a while, and had always wanted a dog but the time was never right with me and Paul working full time but after starting my new job at the end of October, I had a lot of time on my own, a lot of time to think. After a lot of thinking and chats we decided it was time. So we welcomed our gorgeous Hugo to the family, a Labrador retriever who honestly has been my saviour. Puppy classes, walks, cuddles, lots of mischief. But one of my best friends. In December I came to terms with the fact that becoming pregnant with baby number two might not happen for a while or at all and that was okay, it was still hard but it was okay. We always said it would be a bonus anyway but it was still hard to not have it happen. Hugo filled that gap.

We always had a family dog in the plan and it’s true what they say, you’ll know when the time is right and for us we just knew. I was lonely, no amounts of coffees with friends or walks could fix the small emptiness I felt from wanting to be a mother again. So being a human mum again wasn’t happening? A dog mum was the next best thing and honestly I’m so glad we made the decision. Suddenly a small space in my heart was filled, I could look after a different kind of baby, and Parker has a companion at home that he has bonded so incredibly with.

People say dogs are family and I never understood until we had one. Our cats are great, so loving and cheeky but no where near the compassion, the empathy, the love that Hugo gives. He is a huge part of the family and we’d be lost without him now.

I’m a couple of weeks time, in June, it will be a year. A year of trying. Trying everything. Ovulation apps, ovulation sticks, fertility cups, timings, trying not to think about it, and so much more. All of which has been so exhausting. Everyone said when we got Hugo, ooh it’ll happen now you’ve got a dog, then when I expressed to friends and family in the new year that we weren’t focused on trying and that we were more ‘relaxed’ again, ooh it’ll happen now you watch. And it’s not. And although it’s done in a caring way, telling someone it will happen is bloody hard to hear. It’s not what I need to hear. To hear it’s okay if it doesn’t. I’m here if it doesn’t, or if you need to vent, I’m here. All things so many times I wish people would say.

So why today? Why am I writing this all down? Because I’m sat on a train for five hours, because I write best with no distractions. With no one around, just my thoughts. And because it’s been a year of trying, a year of heartache, trying, not trying, genetic appointments, blood tests. It’s been hard and honestly I’m done. I know now and after talking to Paul on so many occasions, this is it. It’s taken it’s toll. My mental health is being affected. What I thought would be an exciting year of trying for a baby, falling pregnant, and extending our family hasn’t happened and I’ve reached the point where I can’t let it and the thoughts of self doubt consume me any longer.

Sometimes things just don’t happen in life and that’s okay. Sometimes you need to let it out that it’s all a bit shit. I know there are other options and routes for us to go down if we wanted to and we have explored those, talked about those in great depth, but I also know myself, and my mental health, and I know that some things aren’t what I want. And we’re happy. Me, Paul, Parker, Hugo and our two lovely cats, Gizmo and Kingston. We’re happy. And it’s time to close the chapter of trying because it’s not just for us anymore. And I can finally say I’m mostly okay with that.

I know so many of you messaged when I shared my thoughts in my last post and were on this journey too and I really hope it happens for you all. But for me this is it and I just wanted to share that with you all. I’m going to look at taking control of my cycles again, and finding a contraception that works for me, and I’m going to look forward.

As a newly qualified nail tech I’m transforming what would have been a nursery into a home salon, I’m going to look forward to spending time over the years with Paul and Parker and I’m going to look forward to having more adventures. We are so blessed to already have Parker and I know he is perfect as he is and is everything to us. As we always said a second child would be a bonus. So we’re looking forward. Starting next month with a trip glamping, and next year with a holiday in Greece. Because I want to live, because I’m tired of thinking but what if, because I want to make memories with the family I have. And that’s my choice, and I know it’s not for everyone and that’s okay.

This journey of trying for a year has changed who I am, I’ve struggled. I’ve found some days so hard. And I’m really ready to let go, and look forward. I know some people will say but it’s only been a year, but to me it’s been a really long year. Again I’m really hoping for those of you who still want it that it will happen and as I’ve said previously I really do hope it happens for you. But for now, for me, let’s start a new chapter shall we?

‘Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it would be like and learn to find the joy in the story you are actually living’ – Rachel Marie Martin

The blog that I’ve wanted to share for so long.

Hello, what a few months off writing that’s been hey?! I said a while ago I wanted to get back into writing and I did really want to, so badly, I love this space, this space here is mine. My thoughts, my feelings, my good, my bad, my hard times. And honestly lately, I feel like the hard and the challenging times are a lot. Which ironically has meant that I haven’t had the time or energy to want to write. So here we go.

After walking 65km in June for charity I felt on top of the world, I felt like after fracturing my foot back in March that I was unstoppable. That my body and my mind were doing great, we were working together, mind and body as one. But the next day things took an unexpected turn, at a regular pill check appointment I was told my blood pressure was too high, and they were unsure whether it was to do with the actual pill or the stress of the walk or my weight and lifestyle. It sucked. The way BMI is used and the way the nurses spoke to me still upsets me now. It’s like they don’t care that you ran a half marathon in that body or that you’ve just raised so much money for charity by walking so far, when it comes to Heath all they see is numbers and it was hard to take in. The next week went by and I noticed some issues with my eyes, migraines and my sight. Due to the blood pressure coming up I went straight to the opticians who told me to call the doctor, who took me straight off my pill. We still had no idea what was up with my blood pressure or my eyes.

After years, over six years of using the contraceptive pill as my comfort and my security it was gone. Why did it mean so much to me? If you’ll have read my blog ‘what if, maybe, baby number two’ you’ll know me and Paul always wanted two children, it was something we always thought would just happen, but with Parker having Cystic Fibrosis it wasn’t something that was just as easy as having another child and after much thought and much deciding, we said no to baby number two. It broke my heart but I knew our family was complete with or without them.

So the pill. Why did I love it so much, because for six years I was period free, I had no monthly reminder that I wasn’t pregnant. I back to backed every damn pack to make sure that I never had that reminder over me. So having it taken away, was hard. I don’t think I was mentally prepared for how hard it would be, my hormones having to get used to not having it, my body not knowing what to do without it.

With all of this going on in my head I now had my eye issues, which thankfully weren’t anything related to my blood pressure, I had utevitis. A rare eye disease caused by an underlying chronic condition which in my case they found out I have an autoimmune disease, we’re not sure what yet but they have a feeling it could be my psoriasis. I felt like I had answers, I was being treated for it and told what to look out for next time so it wouldn’t get as bad as this time. I felt like it was time to get back to so sort of normal again. So I went back for a blood pressure check to see if I could be put back on the pill, my blood pressure was great, but they refused. The doctor told me I was far too overweight to be on it, and that hurt. I felt like my health was doing great, but that all they wanted was for me to loose weight to fit in the numbers bracket. Never the less I listened.

I was told to change my lifestyle, to loose weight and to come back or have the coil fitted. Honestly it was just too much, to be told that a body you’ve spent so long learning to love and accept isn’t okay was so hard and I really struggled. I fell straight back into the cycle of crash dieting and binge eating and honestly I didn’t know who I was, with hormones raging I just felt so all over the place and lost. Which maybe is why I haven’t written on here in so long because facing it all has been hard, but talking about it openly is harder.

The blood pressure issue was scary and once I thought about it more I decided I did want to take the pressure off my body a bit. No diets this time, more gentle walks, more cooking exciting meals packed full of goodness rather than the freezer teas, trying to make an effort to more of a better relationship with food with no restricting. And now to this day it’s something I’ve been doing and doing okay at. I feel better in my self and I feel like since that walk in June a lot has changed. I started college to study in something I really love, and I feel better in myself for making small changes and although the weight is coming off super slowly I’m loosing it with a better relationship with food and time for myself, and I’ve gained a new job and in the same sentence this week I lost that job, due to the business closing. Again I feel like once I’ve found my feet it’s taken away again. But there’s something that’s been over my head for a while that I’ve so desperately wanted to share in this space but that I couldn’t find the words to.

That yes in fact we are trying, maybe for baby number two. It took a lot of talking, me and Paul sat down for a while and discussed our options, discussed Parker, and my health. And being that I’m doing great now, and that Parker is incredibly well with his Cystic Fibrosis and managing it amazingly, and also that we know more about the condition, that now actually was the right time. We’ve both never been on the same path with it at the same time so I guess that’s why we always ruled it out and decided we were happy just the three of us (and the cats) However with lockdown its opened our eyes to what’s important, to what we want and actually growing our family would be wonderful and it’s what we all would really like to happen. We haven’t told Parker about this part of our journey as I wouldn’t want him to be disappointed if nothing came from it.

However it’s not as easy as I thought. We fell pregnant super quickly with Parker I think pretty much that same month we started trying. This time around it’s not been as simple and honestly it’s harder than I ever thought. I’ve been back to having regular periods since the start of July. So we are now nearly on month five of nothing, and it’s hard. That reminder of a monthly period telling you your not pregnant, it’s really hard. I know that five months may sound like nothing to so many and I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not. But it’s still hard. We’ve both said we’ll give it a year as emotionally it’s a lot to go through, that period every month is eating me up and if not, if it doesn’t happen our family is perfect as it is and it’s just not meant to be.

And before anyone thinks there are different routes we could go down, I know, I’m fully aware, but I know I just couldn’t handle those routes and that’s okay. I know what a lot of you may be thinking though, with the cystic fibrosis gene over us why are we doing it again? And this hasn’t been an over night decision, we’ve looked at so many paths and ways to have baby number two and after being re-assured by our CF team and other friends who have more than one child with Cystic Fibrosis and who have children without in the family we know it may not be the easiest, but that it can be totally worth it, we’re not niave we know it’s going to be a hard road ahead. We know the risks, we know about so much and we feel very open minded going into this decision. We’ve taken in so much information of routes and testing we can go down to be more prepared and it’s something that we’ve both agreed on. However It may never happen for us and that’s okay. But for now with all the information that can be given to us early on we feel this is the best path for us.

It’s taken me so long to write this blog post, I’ve found it so hard to write what I want to in words, to share with so many when it’s just felt like it’s been me and Paul in this decision. It still is but by sharing I feel like it’s taken a massive weight off me. There are a select few friends and family who we’ve already shared this with and their support has meant everything. I know the road ahead isn’t going to be easy, again I know that my weight will be brought up which is why I’m making small lifestyle changes to loose weight to make the process a little smoother. Which I know some people won’t agree with and I know it’s hard but it’s my body and this is my choice. I don’t hate it, I’ve accepted it and I’ve learnt to love it and I’m sure I will again. My body after all is the least interesting thing about me.

I’ll be starting a new job in November and I feel like November will be the perfect month for a fresh start. To take the pressure off, to be more open, to have more honest conversations and to get back into feeling a bit more me, because with so much going on in my head I honestly haven’t had the time to focus on this space and it’s a space I’ve so greatly missed. If you’ve made it this far I want to thank you for taking the time to read it. It was a hard write and I hope you understand more why I’ve been so distant. I’m hoping now that I’ll be able to get back to this space more now I’ve vented and I can’t wait to get back into writing about all the things I love. And if there’s anyone who’s feeling in a similar position know my inbox is open if you’d like to reach out, so who knows, one day maybe, baby number two.

Perfect location for a staycation, The Croft at Gotton Farm.

We’re all in want of a get away right now aren’t we? It’s been a while since we felt that ‘holiday’ feeling and I’ve realised you don’t have to go that far to get that. What do you mean you say? Well what if I told you our recent staycation was literally a ten minute drive from our house. Why would you do that you say? Because sometimes you don’t need to travel too far to find a place so beautiful you can feel a million miles from home and away from the stresses of life, without the long journey.

When I was asked by Katie who runs Gotton Glamping if I’d like to stay back at the start of this year I thought how lovely! But I also thought did I want to stay somewhere so close, will it feel like a mini break? Or will it feel like we’re so close to home? But I thought actually we haven’t really left the house in the last year so a night away would be perfect, and it would be amazing to try somewhere local to see what Somerset has to offer! And I was so right. For clarity our stay was gifted/PR visit in exchange for a review if we loved it, and spoiler alert! We did! But let me tell you more!

Situated just outside of Taunton in Gotton, is Gotton Farm, a beautiful old farm building surrounded by fields. This is where Gotton Glamping and the Shepherds Hut is located. Firstly I have to talk about the location and the views because oh my, perfection. Fields upon fields for miles, filled with horses and other wildlife. One of our favourite parts of the stay was watching the horses and rabbits graze and play in the field whilst we watched from the hot tub. Everything felt so calm, not really any noise apart from the birds chirping. The drive from the main road is a little lane so take it slow driving up, then there is a parking space located on the farm by the gate to ‘The Croft’. We were then welcomed by Katie who walked us through the gate and round to the Shepherds hut.

And there it was, in all its beauty! I’ve never stayed in a Shepherds hut before so I was so excited! The front all paved up beautifully, with a grass area with a table and chairs outside, lots of room and most importantly a hot tub! A wood fired hot tub with a log hut next to it and we were told by Katie how to use it when we arrived, I let Paul take control of that one! But one of the first things we noticed when we arrived was how private it felt. It was so lovely, and honestly didn’t feel at all like it was just ten minutes away at all.

In front of the hut was a little BBQ area in case you wanted to cook outside in the sunshine, and a table and chairs. The hot tub was plenty big enough and deep enough to fit two people in and keeping it up to temperature with the wood fire was easy enough. Me and Paul had two dips in the tub and the temperature was perfect, along with a glass or two of Prosecco it was the perfect way to celebrate Paul’s birthday. The best part about the garden however? It has to be the views. Just so incredibly beautiful. Surrounded by nature just felt so peaceful.

Now I’ve talked about the surroundings I actually had better tell you about the actual Shepherds hut! My only worry with the Shepherds hut was Paul’s height, Paul is over 6ft tall and I was worried how small it would be for him but I can honestly say it was so spacious for him. The roof was high enough the bed was just about long enough. It was surprisingly big inside and it just felt so spacious! As you enter there is the kitchen area on the back wall with a fridge freezer, sink, hob and lots of cupboard space with lots of utensils, glasses, plates and bowls. Perfect for if you didn’t want to eat out on your stay!

Then to the right are some little steps up to the bedroom area, a large double bed with again the most gorgeous views. The bed was so so comfortable and we just had the best nights sleep. We kept the curtains open at the end of the bed on our stay so we could watch the stars and it was so nice just to wake up to the sun coming through first thing. Just beautiful.

To the left of the hut there was a log burner for chillier nights however it was lovely and cosy whilst we stayed so we didn’t need to use it. There is also a bathroom on the left side of the hut which I was so happy about! Although I’ve always loved the idea of Glamping, the idea of shower and toilet blocks that you have to walk to just aren’t for me! So having your own private bathroom inside the hut was perfect with a shower toilet and sink it was just great, compact and efficient but again plenty of room.

We decided to take our own food for dinner and breakfast, however if you wanted to dine out Taunton town is a short drive away to not think about cooking or washing up! We ordered a graze box from ‘The Gourmet Salad Box’ to take with us, a vegan side for me and a vegetarian side for Paul and it was great for the evening, no fuss just a picky delicious dinner in the garden!

For me our stay at Gotton Glamping was perfected by the little details. The cleanliness was outstanding, everything looked up kept and the decor just suited it all so well! It had a modern touch whilst keeping the country feel and the balance of that was just perfect. Katie and Ted had left us a note with a bottle of wine as it was Paul’s birthday and she’d even put up bunting for him which just felt so special. When we were being nosy through the cupboards we also noticed a few board games for if you wanted something else to do whilst you stayed!

After a night of Glamping in the Shepherds hut we were then met by Katie again in the morning who told me all about their fluffy pigs and I just had to see them! They were in the barn when we visited them but Katie was telling me how soon they’d be out in the field running around in the sunshine. They were so lovely and anyone who knows me will know how much I love a pig or a cow!

We had such a wonderful one night stay at ‘The Croft’ and I would give it a 10/10, beautiful location, very clean and just the most relaxing staycation. Whether you’re from Somerset and are looking for a stay not too far away or from further a field looking for a couple of nights away I could not recommend Gotton Glamping more. Especially this year with the uncertainty of travel abroad, if you’re looking for something special in a lovely location this may be the place for you!

If you would like to book or just take a look at Gotton Glamping I will pop the link below for you. It’s definitely a place me and Paul will stay again, sometimes we all just need a relax and a change of scenery even if it is just a short distance away! Thank you again Katie for our wonderful stay and hopefully we will see you again soon! X

Gotton Glamping Air B and B

Weekend Ready in Karen Millen Curve.

Oh hey babes! It’s been a little while hasn’t it? Between getting through home schooling, lockdown and balancing a new job my little space here became less of a priority, but I couldn’t wait to get back writing. It’s been way to long since I sat down, grabbed a cuppa and just put all my thoughts down here and I have so much to show you all! So let’s come back to the blog with something good and not only good, something fabulous!

Not so long ago Karen Millen got in touch and asked if I’d like to receive some of their Curve collection. Now I’ve always loved Karen Millen clothes and how stylish and timeless their pieces are but being a size 16/18/20 I never knew what size to order or whether to try them, but now they have a Curve range I saw this as my opportunity to finally see what they had to offer. And spoiler alert! I was not disappointed.

So first things first all the pieces featured in this blog are PR Samples however all opinions expressed here are my own. Karen Millen’s Curve range runs from a size 18-24/26 depending on style, which I hope they will be extending in the future.

Karen Millen Sheer Knot Pointelle Maxi Dress

The first piece I want to talk to you about is this stunning Sheer Knit Pointelle Maxi dress. This dress is giving me all the summer vibes! I just need the sun to make an appearance as it’s currently tipping it down with rain here as I write this! I received this dress in a size XL and as you can see it’s a perfect fit. The dress is a stretch knit material which makes it so lightweight but so easy to slip on and off.

This dress would be perfect for beach days, for brunching or any day to night activity! It’s so versatile! It comes with a slip underneath for coverage but I imagine if you wanted to use it at the beach it would make a great coverup without the slip. It also comes with a belt for detail, I love a belt as it just adds a little something to this and shows off your curves! I received this dress in the Rust colourway but it’s also available in black if you didn’t quite want the colour pop, however I love it! I think it’s so vibrant and so perfect for sunnier times ahead! I find this dress very true to size and the perfect length for me.

Karen Millen Batik Floral Wide Leg Trousers

Karen Millen Chain Neck Halter Jersey Top

The next couple of items I received is my usual go to summer outfit, wide leg trousers and a cute top! These are the Karen Millen Curve Batik floral wide leg trousers and as I soon as I saw them I fell in love with the print! They’re just so pretty and again a gorgeous bright colour for summer. I received these trousers in a size 18 and they’re such a generous fit, plenty of room and really stretchy, the only thing I would say is that I’m about five ft six tall and they were a little long, but paired with heels they were perfect!

I paired these trousers with the Karen Millen Curve chain jersey halter top and again a great fit! Super soft material and this top also comes in a bright green or a bright pink colour if you wanted to really add some sunshine to your summer wardrobe. This outfit would be my go to for travelling, when we finally can and it’s safe to do so! It’s just so lightweight, so comfy but so stylish and again another timeless piece.

Karen Millen Compact Stretch Popper Detail Dress

Okay so are you ready for this dress?! I really wasn’t! The Compact Stretch Popper detail dress. I LOVE this dress, the style, the cut, the shape and the details! It’s so so cute and is giving me all of the legally blonde vibes! The pastel colour is so gorgeous and I just think it’s lush. And yes the pockets are real!

The fabric has a slight stretch to it and the material is quite thick which is great as you don’t see any underwear lines, this dress is giving me all the retro vibes and to start with I wasn’t sure if I’d love the no sleeve at all as I am still a little conscious of my arms but actually all the buttons and the collar details pulls away from that and let’s be honest they’re only arms! Here’s to a summer of not caring, arms out, legs out, let’s have fun without letting negative thoughts hold us back! It’s a gorgeous dress and I feel incredible in it so I should just wear it care free!

Again I received this in a size 18 however of you’re Fuller busted it may be worth sizing up as there is a slight pull on the bust for me, but as you can nothing major so I still feel fabulous!

Karen Millen Stripe Linen Viscose Dress

The last but oh my certainly not least gorgeous dress I want to share with you today is this Stripe Linen Viscose Button through dress. This dress is making want a holiday so badly, the warm air hitting you as you get off the plane, the cold beverage in hand. I mean we can sort of do that in the UK in this dress? I just need to add a big coat and wooly socks! But for now whilst I dream this will perfect for when the temperature rises a little.

It’s again really lightweight but not sheer at all. I love the button detail and the matching belt. I paired this with chunky sandals but it would also be great with heels or trainers. I received this dress in a size 18 and like the previous dress if you’re Fuller busted maybe size up as again there is a slight pull on the bust. This dress is a classic which again will be perfect for year after year.

And talking about pieces that are great for year after year I also wanted to mention a little about Karen Millen and their take on heading in a more sustainable future within the brand. Now they have a whole section on their site regarding sustainability but I’ll give you a few of their key points form that section here as well as linking where you can find more information.

Karen Millen are working towards using recycled fabrics and fibres and organic materials, with this they also produce a small quantities of each garment to gauge demand and reduce waste. Alongside reducing waste they are donating unsold products and sample products to charities and recycle partners. They are also already using bags that are made from 100% recycled materials and are fully recyclable. You can find the link to more about Karen Millen and sustainability below.

Karen Millen Sustainability

So there we have it! Karen Millen a brand I’m so glad I’ve now tried, a brand that cares about sustainability and fashionable Curve collection pieces, that are stylish, timeless and so chic! I’ve linked each outfit below each image, and just for transparency all the links are affiliated. So what do you think? Is there any outfits from this blog that you’re loving? Let me know in the comments! X

Celebrating Me This Valentines.

Well didn’t that come around quick? I blinked and suddenly we’ve raced past Christmas and here we are! The day of all things Love! Valentines Day! Personally I LOVE valentines, I mean a day that celebrates love? What isn’t there to love? Yes it can feel a lot of pressure and it’s become so commercialised but it doesn’t have to be, a card from the heart, a chance to celebrate more than romance. To celebrate friends, family, loved ones not just partners and most importantly to celebrate self love! And although this year may be a little different I feel so lucky we have FaceTime and social media to stay in touch with loved ones. And for myself? I’ve said so many times that one of my personal favourite ways to treat myself is with a stunning new set of underwear. There’s something about a beautiful set that makes me feel incredible, I love underwear (you may know this) but this Valentines I’m bringing to the blog a small business that I’ve never brought to you before! A wonderful small business that have some great sale deals on right now, on so many brands that I know and love, so you can really treat yourself this valentines!

Today I bring to the blog, Belle Lingerie, a small lingerie business that stock so many great brands and beautiful sets that range from a size 28 backs and AA cups to a 48 backs and K cups. They kindly sent me a couple of sets to try and to show you all in their massive sale, which they have up to 80% off, which means you can get some amazing bargains just before Valentines! Although these sets have been sent to me as PR Samples all opinions in this blog are my own. 

So the first set I’ve been sent is the Sculptresse by Panache, Logan, and you know what they always say, match your lingerie to your flowers! Okay so they don’t say that but let’s go with it! Panache always are an incredible fit and right now on Belle Lingerie you can get this set at nearly half the original price! How amazing? They’ve still got so many sizes left so if you want to grab a bargain you’ll have to be quick! But for a second let’s talk about the details of the set! I love the embroidery floral detail it’s so pretty and so delicate, the full cup style is really comfortable and offers great support. I’m wearing my usual size, a 36H and it’s a perfect fit, it’s such an elegant style. The briefs I wear in a size 18 and again they’re a lovely fit too, no digging in and really comfortable and I love the mid rise style which is perfect for every day wear. This is such a gorgeous set for valentines as it’s so pretty, but so comfortable and will be great for an every day set too. I also love to match my lippy to my underwear and add a pop of colour and this is great! A pop of red lip, a sprinkle of rose petals and there we are, a valentines match made in heaven!

The second set I was sent, was another one from Panache, this time the Corrine set. Another set with beautiful embroidery detailing, I love a set with gorgeous embroidery that is subtle yet so pretty! This set is one of those that you’ll treat your boobs too, they deserve the comfort of this bra! Yes it’s underwired but after wearing all day I couldn’t even tell it was on! So comfy and again another great bargain in the Belle Lingerie sale. I love the balcony style, super cute and a fabulous uplift! Again I received this set in a size 36H bra and size 18 briefs and again a perfect fit! 

Belle Lingerie stock so many brands that I know and love from Sculptresse by Panache to Curvy Kate and Scantilly. So if you’re looking to treat yourself this valentines to either a fabulous new set or just a new set for every day, Belle Lingerie have you covered! And if you’re not sure on your bra size just check out their size guide online on their site! As always I’ve linked the sets below, so if you’re looking for a bargain check out their up to 80% off sale, there’s no better time to treat your bust! X

Belle Lingerie Sculptresse by Panache Logan

Belle Lingerie Panache Corrine

New Year, and actually this time, it is New me.

Trigger Warning. Blog post contains mentions of Eating Disorders and Anxiety. 

Hello, hello! Happy New Year! Yes I am aware it’s February, but I’m also aware that January was a VERY tough one and I needed some time. And by the end of this post I think you’ll see why. Sometimes when things are too hard to say out loud, writing them down can be just as helpful. I said to myself in December, in the new year I will put everything into my blog, have me time again, enjoy writing, but honestly, lockdown three, it’s taken it out of me. I was hoping and praying that lockdowns would be the thing of 2020 but with covid taking control, here we are again! 

Stay home, stay safe. Fine I thought, we know what’s happening, we know what this means but this time it feels harder. January is always a little deflating anyway, with Christmas just gone, and the darker days with less hours of daylight, but not being able to pop for a chat and a cuppa with your friends or take a break and have a date night out. It’s harder. The first lockdown, although we were shielding for Parker, we were all home. We were all getting through it together, there was a helping hand from Paul with the school work, there was the sun and there was a lot of hope that this would all be over by summer. And although a lot changed from leaving my job, starting a new one and just getting by, it was okay. It wasn’t easy but it was okay. By the time lockdown two came around I have to admit was a little fed up, with all the tier systems, not being able to work, Parker being at school and Paul being at work. It felt harder. I felt alone, very alone, very anxious and it all felt like it was a lot. 

I spoke about lockdown two on my Instagram stories, how lonely it was. How I struggled feeling like everyone was carrying on but me, as well as everyone else in retail and hospitality. I met up one to one with friends on socially distanced walks but it wasn’t the same. Throughout lockdown last year there was something I struggled through and I’m only really sharing it now, as towards the end of last year I mentioned it to Paul and I decided to say no more, and take a bit more control, and that’s binge eating. I’m not sure you ever really leave behind disordered eating fully. I’ve always had a tricky relationship with food, from fad diets, to extreme dieting, to restricting then binging, to overcoming bulimia. I’ve learnt that I need to try and manage triggers better, like someone commenting on my size or what I’m eating or how much. Or changes in life, change can be triggering. The triggers can be hard but I’m starting to know what I need to do now. At the height of my eating disorder when I was younger I was bulimic, a vicious cycle of starving, then binging, being ill after and feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt.

Being at home alone in lockdown two really brought on the comfort eating, and that to start with was fine, we all need a cuppa and a biscuit sometimes, but the comfort eating soon turned into binging. Those feelings from the past crept back. I felt the starving coming on, the restricting, followed by the binging. Feeling sad, feeling so alone, feeling so anxious constantly meant I was using food as more than a comfort, it felt like it was the only thing I could control but at the same time I was so out of control. But it wasn’t just once a week or once a month like it has been for a while, it was daily, but mainly on the days I didn’t see anyone all day until Paul and Parker were home, and I soon realised I needed to stop. Only once I turned back to my bulimic habits and that’s when I knew. I knew it had to stop before it became too much, and I felt like 2021 would be the year for change, the fresh page I needed. I always say new year, same me, but this year I needed change. I needed to help me, I needed the new me attitude, for my mental being, not physical. I love my body, the way I look, I’m very comfortable physically. But mentally I need change. I needed to change the habits and try to help myself. And I’m getting there, I’ve reached out and I can hand on heart say I have not binged this year and that feeling is wonderful, I feel a little more me, more in control, and more happy knowing I’m one step further away from the disordered eating that once took over my life. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt it so right to take the time today, to have a bath and to put all my thoughts and feelings and emotions down. 

So I’m learning. Instead of turning to these habits when I feel alone, or stressed or anxious I’m learning to control it in other ways. Taking small steps to ensure I don’t need to look back. I have reached out and looked up to others who are managing it, who have overcome it, read up about intuitive eating, read up on how to build a healthy relationship with food. Not restricting anything and just allowing myself to enjoy food. Not to use it as a coping mechanism. I decided that instead of sitting in and feeling sad and eating until I feel ill, I would break up the day a bit, go on long walks, pop a load of washing on, have a bit of a clean, enjoy a coffee out of the house. Have conversations with loved ones. And honestly homeschooling again has kept me busy, although a little draining at times, having Parker home for company has been lovely, even though I wish Paul was here to share the homeschooling load too! January was hard, long days of sitting in front of a screen trying to focus and trying to teach Parker it also gave me the distraction and the focus I think I needed to take control again. I don’t know how long this lockdown will last but again I feel hope. With the vaccine and covid cases going down again I hope the end of this is near. I’ve set myself monthly achievable goals that are small and can help me feel more me again in this tough time. So I thought I’d share them. 

Focus on the good. When you feel like you’re losing control remember how far you’ve come. Remember you don’t have to turn to food to feel better. Know that you can have a piece of cake or a packet of crisps and it’s okay, it doesn’t need to turn into a binge. Know that a bath, a long walk or a call to a friend can make you feel just as good.

Look ahead, know better days are coming. Think of all the exciting things you’ll be able to do again, see family, even if it’s from a distance for a while. Enjoy the sun, summer’s coming even if it’s just in the garden or on a walk, the warm days will be here soon.

Visits to the coast hopefully, sea swimming is my favourite thing to do when we go back to Wales and I can’t wait. 

Celebrate everything, and I mean everything. Celebrate the small things, picking up a gorgeous bunch of flowers on the weekly essentials shop, FaceTiming loved ones, we’re so lucky to have FaceTime right now. Celebrating date nights in, and achievements in school, going up a to the next reading level. 

Take time for you. Take that bath at the end of the day, sit and have a cup of tea and watch Neighbours. Meet for that socially distanced walk with your friend, go for a run, run like everything’s normal for five minutes. Enjoy nature, getting a National Trust membership was the best thing we did last year. 

Write more. When I write I feel a massive weight lifted off my shoulders, I feel like I’ve written it all down so it’s no longer causing rattling round my brain. I know writing about how much I struggled in lockdown two with my binge eating has been a massive relief. I feel like it’s not some big secret that I’ve struggled with alone. 

So here I am! I’m back again, and with all the pressure of January gone and my mind in a much better place I know I have so much to look forward to, that’s what I’m going to keep doing! I read somewhere recently that said after the storm comes the rainbow, and although things seem really hard right now, better, brighter days are coming, just keep looking out for that rainbow and keep safe. X

And if you too feel like you need to reach out and feel as though you are struggling with an eating disorder, anxiety or you’re just really not feeling okay please see a list of charities below that are there to help you. Sometimes it can help speaking to someone anonymously. It’s okay not to be okay, but there are people here to support and help you.

Beat Eating Disorder Help

0808 801 0677


0300 123 3393

The Samaritans

116 123

For further help Mind has a great resources page listing various charities and helplines for different needs.


Heating things up this Christmas with Verity Anne Clothing.

Well hello there December! The last month of the year, we’ve finally got there didn’t we?! With a few tears along the way…well and tiers, we’ve got here. This Christmas and New Year will be a lot different, but that doesn’t mean we can’t dress up and feel amazing at home. And if we’re dressing up we may as well be comfortable whilst we do it! So today I am introducing you to Verity Anne Clothing.

When Verity reached out to me I instantly fell in love with her clothes! So many beautiful styles in so many gorgeous colours, all made to order and all made to fit you! I chose two gorgeous pieces that I instantly loved! These pieces were both sent to me as PR Samples however as always all of the opinions here are my own. So first up is this beautiful red knit dress.

Okay so this dress, what can we not say! It’s absolutely stunning and so so soft! It’s a timeless classic, I love the off the shoulder detail and it can be dressed up or down so easily. For me I’ve paired it with a pair of heels and a clutch bag for that night out but actually night in feeling, as I spend 99% of my time now in my joggers and leggings so this dress is a perfect change!

A pop of red lip whilst cooking the roast dinner and it’s just the most perfect Christmas Day dress! I received mine in a size 18 and it fits incredibly! I love how it sinches me in at the waist with the belt and how stretchy the fabric is! If you were after a more relaxed approach I’d maybe size up as this would also be so lovely with a pair of tights and boots, or slippers! I know mine will be on first thing Christmas morning! 

The second piece I received was this three piece set, again the gorgeous and soft ribbed knit fabric, and again so so stunning. One thing I couldn’t help admiring is the quality of Verity Anne Clothing, it’s just so so beautiful and you can really see how much time has gone into creating these gorgeous pieces. The three piece set consists of the wide leg trousers, the crop top and the cardigan. I chose mine in this gorgeous pastel blue colour, very winter wonderland vibes!

Again I received this in a size 18, and again a perfect fit! Which I’m always surprised at when it comes to crop tops etc as being a busty babe sometimes it’s hard to fit that coverage and comfortable fit but this was fabulous and so comfy! This set has 100% upped my loungewear game! Now when I’m watching series after series on Netflix I can look glamorous and comfortable! 

I’m so so glad Verity reached out to me because I’d never heard of her brand before and after hearing so much about it I honestly don’t know how I didn’t know! All of their designs are handmade to order and are made to fit you!  Handmade to any height or size and they can also produce custom designs. They are a female run business with a team of gorgeous women creating each piece. They also do a range of maternity and children’s wear so you can even match your little one if you wanted to! Or just make them feel as comfy as you do in Verity Anne! 

This year has been tough and it’s been especially tough on small businesses. Verity and her team have done incredibly this year as a small business and have brought out the most beautiful clothing. So if you fancy treating yourself this Christmas take a look at Verity Anne, and remember they cater for ALL sizes. Which is so wonderful to find in a small made to order business. I’m so glad I discovered Verity and her wonderful brand this year, so as always I’ve shared the links to the items below if you fancied an end of year treat or just a good browse! So the big question? Will you be dressing up or dressing down this Christmas? 

Soft Knit Off The Shoulder Dress

Pale blue Knitted Ribbed 3 piece

Falling into Autumn with Evans.

November?! Sorry where are we again?! I feel like I’ve blinked since my last blog post? A whole month?! I’m not going to lie, this blog break was completely unintentional, but with a second lockdown things haven’t been easy. But I think we’ll save that for another post!

Today I want to talk to you about fashion! Yes clothes! It’s been a while since I’ve written about that hasn’t it?! But let’s be honest we’ve all been living in PJ’s and loungewear again haven’t we? For clarity all items in this post are PR Samples and all links are affiliate links. So what am I here to talk about exactly? Autumn/Winter wear! But with fast fashion not slowing down as quickly as it should be, I decided for this collaboration with Evans I wanted to pick pieces that are timeless and that can be worn almost all year round! Ones that can be worn year after year and dressed up or down. I think we can all do our best to be a little more conscious when it comes to clothing.

First up this gorgeous coat, an Autumn essential in my eyes. Do you know it’s the first time I’ve actually owned a proper coat?! Every year I go for the pretty coats, the impractical coats, but as a mum who loves a good walk and hike up the mountain I thought this year it’s time to change. Let’s get the sensible coat! The practical coat! So here it is! Padded but not too heavy, warm but breathable and the loveliest details. Pockets for snacks (not just for little ones!) and a gorgeous faux fur hood for a touch of glam. This can also be removed if it’s not your cup of tea! It’s comfortable and a coat that’s perfect for year after year. It’s available in a size 14-32 and is available in this classic Khaki colour or a lovely Navy colour. It’s an essential in my eyes and my welly walks wouldn’t be complete without it!

As you can see from the above photo this was one that was taken a while back…Yes I am the terrible blogger who takes at least a month to write but what can I say better late than never right?! Okay so this dress! I love this dress! As you can see above for this photo I paired it with chunky sandals, a gorgeous dress for Spring/Summer but also an amazing dress for Autumn/Winter. Pop on a leather look jacket, a pair of chunky boots and some warm thermals underneath and there you have it! Autumn style kept simple! This dress has a lovely stretch to it so is really comfortable and I love the frill hem detail and length. It’s really gorgeous and is available from a size 14-32 again. I wear all of these items today in this blog in my usual size which is an 18. I always find Evans pieces really true to size. And as you can see this is a great piece for all year round and again, in my eyes anyway, timeless!

Last but certainly not least is this beautiful heart print shirt. As you can see above you can style it in so many ways and is good for so many occasions, the office or the park or for dinner out (when we’re allowed) The material on this shirt is so lightweight and it’s really roomy with no pull on the bust which can sometimes be a struggle for us Fuller busted babes. I love the print and the colour and again it’s a piece that’s great for all year round, it’d even be lovely opened up on a summer evening with a vest top underneath. But for now it’s perfect with a pair of jeans and a pair of boots! It’s available from a size 14-32 and is another piece that’s perfect for a capsule wardrobe!

So there we have it! There’s three gorgeous pieces from Evans clothing that are great for all year round, year after year. As always I’ve popped all the links below for you, and I promise I won’t leave it so long until my next blog post. Just sometimes life gets in the way doesn’t it? Anyway I hope you’re all keeping safe in lockdown two and tell me, what’s your Autumn essential?

Evans Khaki Coat

Evans Midi Frill Dress

Evans Heart Print Shirt

Feeling Radiant in Rougette this Autumn.

Feeling a little bit chilly? A bit nippy? A bit fed up of Autumn already? Don’t get me wrong I love Autumn! The crisp leaves falling from the trees, the cold air, all the layers! But one thing I’m not a fan of? The dark mornings, the dampness Autumn brings and with everything even more uncertain with a certain virus than it was back in March, I’m ready to call it a year and put the tree up! There we are, I said it! So I needed to write something to brighten things up and what better way to start, than writing about bright and bold lingerie!

And today I’m bringing you some gorgeous sets from Tutti Rouge Lingerie and their sister brand Rougette Lingerie. I love Tutti Rouge, they’re a great fuller bust brand that are great value for on a budget and also have some really gorgeous sets. All these sets are PR Samples, however all opinions are my own and are completely honest!

So first up I bring you Luna, the most gorgeous bright set! I love yellow! Such a cute colour and paired with the lace is just beautiful. However as you can see Luna is very see through, this for me isn’t a set for day to day, but more a set for a cheeky night or just an evening of chilling, as it is so comfy! I love the one sleeve detail it’s so unique and honestly I just felt amazing in this set! I received my set in a 36G and brief size 18. As Tutti Rouge only go up to a G cup and I’m usually a H this is why some of the sets look a little small. However when it comes to lingerie that makes you feel amazing, especially for saucy nights or just feeling incredible I believe it doesn’t have to be the perfect fit as long as you feel great! And Luna makes me, in my opinion not only look fabulous but feel it too! I do hope one day Tutti Rouge expand their cup sizes as it’d be great to see them be inclusive of more fuller bust sizes.

Next up is the Emilia set, available in a 30D to 48G, again I went for a 36G in this set and this one actually fit a lot better on the bust, again a super cute set! So so comfy and just really gorgeous. You can’t beat a classic black set, but this is a classic with a twist, I love the cut out detail, adds a touch of sexiness to the set and honestly it’s such good value for sexy underwear on a budget. I also really love the cute bow details and polka dot mesh fabric, super soft and so pretty.

And now on to not so boring basics, the EZ-T bra, I received this in dazzling blue and mink, for this bra I sister sized to a 38G and although it looks super cute this wasn’t the best fit for me due to sister sizing. Although I have worn them so many times since receiving for popping to the shops or chilling in. I think this would be true to size if you opted for your correct size if your between a 30D and 48G. Sometimes sister sizing can be great, but other times it just doesn’t work, and if you’re looking for a great fitting bra with support always go for your actual bra size. This set also comes in so many different colours and is the perfect t-shirt bra especially if you don’t want to break the bank, which if you are fuller busted you’ll know isn’t easy to do!

As well as some incredibly gorgeous lingerie sets, Tutti Rouge also have the most beautiful body suits, some are a little naughtier than others but there are some that are perfect for evenings out (when we’re allowed) as well as nights in! This Erin bodysuit is gorgeous I love the front detailing and the back is very cheeky! As you can see it fits great! Even though I went for a 36G which I thought would be a little small, but it was perfect! The detailing that goes into Tutti Rouge and Rougette is just incredible, so many beautiful thought out pieces.

There are a few other sets that I have also been sent but the ones I’ve featured in this blog are my top picks, Tutti Rouge have so many beautiful pieces, some practical for day to day and others there to spice up your lingerie drawer! They’re all such great value and so gorgeous. So if your looking to add a pop of colour or sexiness to you lingerie then Tutti Rouge and Rougette are for you! As always I’ve linked the sets below, so what do you think? Will you be feeling radiant this Autumn?

Tutti Rouge Luna Bralette

Tutti Rouge Emilia Bralette

Tutti Rouge EZ-T Bra

Tutti Rouge Erin bodysuit

Fuss Free Falsies with Lola’s Lashes.

Ready to glam up? See the girls? At a social distance and sensibly of course! Or are you ready to add some glam to your make up routine? Feel a little fly on the school run? The too glam to give a damn vibe. Well I love to glam up! Have a change from the school run leggings and trainers, get those bouncy curls, add that pop of red lip! And of course, the lashes!

Now I’m not going to lie, I’ve never been a fan of fake lashes. I’ve always stuck to mascara as I just cannot cope with how fiddly they are and how they never sit right! It’s always been a flappy situation with me, lashes and the adhesive, so what have I done? Avoided them! But when Lola’s Lashes got in touch and asked if I’d like to try their fuss free falsies I was intrigued…So I said I’d love to!

Even though all the products featured here are PR samples, all opinions expressed in this blog are my own. What did I receive? I received the most gorgeous package full of goodies from Lola’s lashes! So many beauties! The Jade lashes kit, with magnetic eyeliner, Jade lashes and cleansing oil, the Amber lashes and a Lola’s lashes mirror, eyelash curlers, eyelash applicator and scissors.

I just couldn’t wait to try! First up I tried the Jade lashes, a more natural looking set, perfect for day to day. Firstly I trimmed these down to the correct width for my eyes, as they were a little wide for me. I then carefully applied the magnetic eyeliner, it can be a little messy if you’re not a pro at eyeliner like me! But after a few practices I’m really getting there with it! If you are a little messy like me just use a dab of the cleansing oil to remove what’s not needed, then wait a few minutes for the liner to dry and just like that pop them on!

And yes I really mean it, it’s that simple! The five tiny magnets on Jade are incredible! They went on like a dream which I’ve NEVER, ever experienced with lashes before! They looked so gorgeous and not too big for day to day. I then put the lashes to the ultimate test by wearing them at a windy family day out at the beach, and how did they hold you say? Well they stayed on so well! No adjusting no tweaking they stayed in place all day and I have to admit I was very impressed! And at the end of the day when I wanted to remove them I simply took them off, cleaned them with a non oil based cleanser and popped them back in their case. And to remove the liner from my eyes I just used a tiny amount of the cleansing oil. So simple and so beautiful, Jade was a winner in my eyes!

Then I met Amber, a more glamorous and dramatic lash. Just what I needed to feel too glam to give a damn! Again I applied these the same way and my eyeliner skills had improved by this point. All day they stayed in place and looked fabulous and I felt fabulous! These are 100% my new go to for glamming up for drinks with the girls or date night! So beautiful and also so lightweight on my eyes, again no adjusting throughout the day as they sat in place perfectly!

Lola’s lashes when cleansed and taken care of as advised can last over thirty wears, they are so easy to use and literally fuss free! Lola’s lashes have so many other gorgeous styles too and they are all vegan friendly and cruelty free. There’s no clumping no mess and no having a flap over getting them to stay in place! I’m so glad I discovered fuss free falsies and I will be using them again and again! As always I’ve linked the products below if you’d like to check them out. So what do you think? Have you tried Fuss Free Falsies?

Lola’s Jade Magnetic Lashes.

Lola’s Amber Magnetic Lashes