So I’m learning. Instead of turning to these habits when I feel alone, or stressed or anxious I’m learning to control it in other ways. Taking small steps to ensure I don’t need to look back. I have reached out and looked up to others who are managing it, who have overcome it, read up about intuitive eating, read up on how to build a healthy relationship with food. Not restricting anything and just allowing myself to enjoy food. Not to use it as a coping mechanism. I decided that instead of sitting in and feeling sad and eating until I feel ill, I would break up the day a bit, go on long walks, pop a load of washing on, have a bit of a clean, enjoy a coffee out of the house. Have conversations with loved ones. And honestly homeschooling again has kept me busy, although a little draining at times, having Parker home for company has been lovely, even though I wish Paul was here to share the homeschooling load too! January was hard, long days of sitting in front of a screen trying to focus and trying to teach Parker it also gave me the distraction and the focus I think I needed to take control again. I don’t know how long this lockdown will last but again I feel hope. With the vaccine and covid cases going down again I hope the end of this is near. I’ve set myself monthly achievable goals that are small and can help me feel more me again in this tough time. So I thought I’d share them.
Focus on the good. When you feel like you’re losing control remember how far you’ve come. Remember you don’t have to turn to food to feel better. Know that you can have a piece of cake or a packet of crisps and it’s okay, it doesn’t need to turn into a binge. Know that a bath, a long walk or a call to a friend can make you feel just as good.
Look ahead, know better days are coming. Think of all the exciting things you’ll be able to do again, see family, even if it’s from a distance for a while. Enjoy the sun, summer’s coming even if it’s just in the garden or on a walk, the warm days will be here soon.
Visits to the coast hopefully, sea swimming is my favourite thing to do when we go back to Wales and I can’t wait.
Celebrate everything, and I mean everything. Celebrate the small things, picking up a gorgeous bunch of flowers on the weekly essentials shop, FaceTiming loved ones, we’re so lucky to have FaceTime right now. Celebrating date nights in, and achievements in school, going up a to the next reading level.
Take time for you. Take that bath at the end of the day, sit and have a cup of tea and watch Neighbours. Meet for that socially distanced walk with your friend, go for a run, run like everything’s normal for five minutes. Enjoy nature, getting a National Trust membership was the best thing we did last year.
Write more. When I write I feel a massive weight lifted off my shoulders, I feel like I’ve written it all down so it’s no longer causing rattling round my brain. I know writing about how much I struggled in lockdown two with my binge eating has been a massive relief. I feel like it’s not some big secret that I’ve struggled with alone.
So here I am! I’m back again, and with all the pressure of January gone and my mind in a much better place I know I have so much to look forward to, that’s what I’m going to keep doing! I read somewhere recently that said after the storm comes the rainbow, and although things seem really hard right now, better, brighter days are coming, just keep looking out for that rainbow and keep safe. X